| My Mom |
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| Friday, 09 January 2009 | |
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My name is Betsy, and I am a 41 year old woman caring for my 82 year old mother, who has multi-infarc dementia. I live with my mom full time, since I am on disability due to a severe non-verbal learning disability, depression, and anxiety. I have an older brother who lives in another state, and an older sister who lives an hour away (not far enough). Neither one has any desire to take care of her. My brother has plenary guardianship of her and her estate. He is also her power of attorney. She was diagnosed around 3 or 4 years ago. She was forgetting to pay bills, not putting all the ingredients in recipies, etc... What followed next has been a nightmare. My mother ran up a substantial credit card bill, and I did not catch it untill it was too late. I called my brother who was managing our mom's money to ask him to pay the bill. He refused. I was advised by my therapist to call the local Office of Aging. BIG MISTAKE!! Our local OOA is not well run, to say the least. They would not listen to my side of the situation. In the end I was accused of taking advatage of my mom financially and neglecting her. They came up with these ideas during the investigation through talking to my siblings. I am a very contientious person, and I would never dream of using my mom's money the way my siblings think I do. My siblings do not understand my disabiltiy, and they think they can say whatever they want to about me. A year ago, my brother was awarded guardianship after mom was determined to no longer be competent enough to handle her own affairs. (He had already been handling her money for around 22 years.) Mom has sufficient money in investments to take care of herself properly, cover her bills, all of her daily needs, and even most of what she would want. However, my brother only allows her enough money each month to barely get by. He refuses to have basic things taken care of around the house, doesn't always pay her doctor bills, even complains when we want to buy paper towels! We have a part-time care giver who comes in three times a week who does a wonderful job helping me take care of Mom. My brother complains about that bill, as well. My brother has never been very nice to me, and treats me like a child. If he doesn't get his way, he threatens to take her out of the house that she has lived in for 22 years, and put her in a home in his state 800 miles away from her friends and her twin sister. He also feels that because that he is her guardian that he can tell me what to do, and get involved in my business (finances, how I lead my life, my health, etc..) This is just wrong!!! I am very concerend that Mom and I may lose our home, due to the fact that my brother may have mismanaged her money, and is trying to hide that fact. Also, my brother and his wife have been trying to push us out of this house for the last 13 years. We desperately need some help in how to deal with this. We can't even get a lawyer because of my brother's control over her money. What do we do , and where do we go? If anyone can help or make any suggestions, please contact me at This e-mail address is being protected from spam bots, you need JavaScript enabled to view it Thank you. |
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